


The Night Before

by sgt_fuckybarnes



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Captain America: The First Avenger, Gay Bucky Barnes, Homophobic Language, Hurt No Comfort, Jewish Bucky Barnes, M/M, Missing Scene, Pining Bucky Barnes, Unrequited Love, Unrequited Stucky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-22
Updated: 2017-02-22
Packaged: 2018-09-26 04:22:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9862328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sgt_fuckybarnes/pseuds/sgt_fuckybarnes
Summary: The night before Bucky Barnes died, him and Steve had an honest conversation





	

**Author's Note:**

> I love Bucky Barnes and hate myself. Comments/Kudos are always appreciated!

The air was always filled with tension before a mission. Steve could feel it, heavy, crackling through the tent as he and Bucky sat together, not saying a word. They both knew what they were supposed to do, and they both knew the likelihood that they wouldn’t return. Steve didn’t like to scare the other Commandos, but he could always count on Bucky to give him an honest opinion about the situation. Bucky wasn’t one to freak out, either. He’d been to hell and back, not much scared him anymore. 

“So I’ve been thinkin’...” Bucky began. Never a good sign, but Steve let him talk anyways. “If we die tomorrow-”

“Bucky.” he said sternly. The both of them had to believe they would be okay, no matter the odds. It was how Steve had survived so many harsh winters with only 95 pounds on his bones and no money for food. 

“No, no I’m serious. If we’re gonna die tomorrow, shouldn’t we do somethin’? Somethin’...I dunno, important?” he asked thoughtfully. 

“What, like pray?” he asked. Bucky had never been a very religious man, but for a few nights after he was rescued Steve had heard him murmuring to himself in Hebrew. Steve, on the other hand, tried to pray every day, just for his departed Ma’s sake. Bucky’s incredulous laughter startled him out of thought. 

“Well I was thinkin’ more along the lines of a blow job but sure Stevie, get the rosary.” he teased. 

Of course. Bucky had been sneaking off more and more lately, coming back sweaty with his hair all messed up. Steve hadn’t asked, he figured throwing himself into dame after dame was just another side effect of what he’d been through. 

“Don’t be gross, Buck.” he said, making a face. Bucky merely laughed again.

“You only think it’s gross because you’ve never had one.” he teased. Steve knew he was right, but he didn’t have to like it.

“How do you know I’ve never had one?” he demanded, trying to make himself look offended. Bucky arched one dark eyebrow at him, and he could feel himself flushing harder under his friend’s gaze. 

“Come on, Stevie.” Bucky said. 

“Okay, okay fine. I’ve never had one.” he admitted, throwing his hands up in defeat. 

“Not even after...you know, the serum? I’d ‘a thought girls would be all over you.” Bucky said, moving to sit next to Steve on his cot. Steve knew Bucky wasn’t going to let this go, so he leaned back. Settling in for a lot of embarrassment. 

“Well, I was...waiting. For someone special.” he explained awkwardly. Bucky’s eyes widened. 

“Wait, you mean you’ve never done it at all?” he asked. “Any of it?”

Steve shook his head. 

“No, never. Even if I wanted to, there was never anyone to do it with.” he muttered. Bucky continued to stare at him, carding a hand through his dark hair. 

“Shit. We’re gonna die and you’ve never even had sex.” 

“We’re not gonna die.” Steve said firmly. Bucky acted like he hadn’t heard. 

“So if you’ve never gone all the way, how far have you gotten?” he asked. 

Steve looked away. The last thing he needed to be focused on right now was his sex life, although he knew Bucky wouldn’t give it up so easily. Stubborn bastard. 

“Have you...have you put your fingers inside a girl?” Bucky asked. Steve grimaced. 

“Bucky, we don’t have time for this, leave me alone.” he muttered. 

“No, no now I wanna know. If...if you get hurt…” Bucky’s voice broke. “I just don’t wanna feel like you missed out on anything.” he said quietly. Steve sighed. Shit, now he felt bad. He knew Bucky had always done his best to give him some semblance of a normal life, encouraging him to go out and get a job, setting him up with dames. 

“I...I’ve never even kissed anyone.” Steve admitted quietly. At least, not on purpose. But he didn’t intend to tell Bucky about the incident with private Lorraine- it was much too embarrassing. Bucky was silent for a moment, staring at him with his wide, unblinking grey eyes. 

“Never? But that’s- that’s fuckin’ ridiculous, Stevie! Who wouldn’t wanna kiss you, huh!?” he demanded. Steve scoffed in response. 

“Who would?” he replied. Bucky continued to stare at him, with a funny look in his eyes. The same funny look Bucky often got when he was cleaning Steve up after a fight, like he was looking for something in Steve’s eyes that he could never quite find. 

“You shouldn’t have to die without ever being kissed.” Bucky said firmly. He moved towards Steve, placing one hand on his hip and the other on the side of his face. Steve froze. He wasn’t sure what to do. Should he tell Bucky to stop? He got the strangest feeling that he was standing on the edge of a precipice, and telling him to stop would make him topple over the edge. Steve stayed silent. 

Bucky leaned in slowly, brushing his lips against Steve’s. It felt weird. Bucky’s mouth was softer than he’d expected. Steve heard his best friend draw in a sharp, shaking breath. Bucky pushed his lips harder against Steve’s. Steve let him. He felt Bucky’s hand curling into his hair, grasping it and pulling him closer like he was a drowning man, and Steve was the only source of oxygen. Finally he broke away. 

Steve could only stare, taking in Bucky’s wide black pupils and his pink cheeks. Bucky was breathing like he was the one with the shitty lungs, like he’d just run a marathon. 

“Sorry. Just...uh. Wanted to give you the full experience.” Bucky said awkwardly. And in that moment, Steve just knew. It wasn’t logical, it didn’t make any sense. He half thought if he said it out loud Bucky would sock him in the jaw. But he knew. And Bucky knew it too. 

“I’ve got to go.” Bucky blurted out, standing up as quickly as he could. Steve reached out, grabbing Bucky by the arm. 

“Wait! Please, Bucky...if we die tomorrow…”

“I thought you said we weren’t gonna die.”

“If we die tomorrow…” Steve repeated. “I want you to know that you’re my best friend. No matter what.” he said gently. Bucky laughed, bitter and low in his throat. 

“Jesus, Rogers. You really don’t know what’s good for you, do ya?” he said, his voice taking on a cruel, defensive edge. Steve knew he shouldn’t have said anything. 

“I know you’ve been taking care of me your whole life. And I know that I’m not gonna abandon you just because you’re…” Steve trailed off, making a vague hand gesture. 

“Queer? A fairy? A fag?” 

“Just because you have feelings for me.” Steve finished. Bucky nodded slowly, like he was taking a moment to process Steve’s words. 

“You shitty little punk. Can’t you be normal about this one thing? Once?”

Steve resisted the urge to laugh. 

“What, do you want me to hit you? Maybe send Philips a telegram, let ‘im know my Sergeant’s a queer?”

“It would be easier.” He said quietly. Part of him knew Bucky was right. It would be easier on his friend if the both of them could just expel and rebuild, eject each other from their lives and move on. Steve also knew that it would never happen. Him and Bucky had been joined at the hip since they were small children, and he didn’t foresee anything that could change that. 

“No one would believe me, anyways. I dunno if you’ve noticed, but you’re kind of a ladies’ man, Barnes.” Steve said. He smiled a little, hoping to cheer Bucky up. 

“How fucked up is that, huh? I’m the fuckin’ sissy but you’re the one that’s gonna get killed before ever getting your dick wet.” Bucky said. Steve wanted to laugh. 

“What’s it like? Being with a dame?” he asked softly

Bucky sat back down, looking conflicted. 

“Well...uh, what do you mean?” he asked

“I just...I dunno. What do you even do? Peggy, she-” 

Bucky tore his gaze away, and Steve knew he’d said the wrong thing. 

“Shit. I...I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to-” 

“It’s fine, Stevie.” he said awkwardly. Of course, it wasn’t fine. Any idiot could see that. But he didn’t wanna push his luck with Bucky, not when he’d already been through so much. Not when it felt like their friendship was already hanging by threads. 

“You gotta start by kissing her.” Bucky said, after a moment of silence. “You lean in real slow, to make sure it’s really what she wants. You’ll know if she gives you the go ahead, trust me.” 

Bucky demonstrated by leaning in closer to Steve, until their faces were only a few inches apart. 

“After you’ve been kissing for a while, and she’s into it you can put your hand on her thigh, just like this…” he continued, placing his hand just above Steve’s knee. Steve nodded, to show that he was listening. “And if she lets you do that, you move your hand a little higher so it’s under her skirt.” he instructed, moving his hand up Steve’s thigh. He was almost touching Steve’s dick, and had to shut his eyes and concentrate to avoid becoming aroused. He wondered if Bucky was doing this on purpose. 

“And...if that’s okay with them…” Bucky said, trailing off. Steve opened his eyes a sliver, to find Bucky looking at him expectantly. He nodded. Steve wasn’t quite sure what was going on, but it distracted him from thinking about raiding Nazi trains tomorrow. And he had to admit, what Bucky was doing felt nice. 

“If they’re okay with that, that’s when you put your hand in her panties.” he finished, moving his hand to rub at the front of Steve’s pants. Steve let out a shaky breath, his eyes falling shut again. He allowed his mind to wander as Bucky’s voice faded out, as everything faded out but the feeling of someone else’s hand on his cock.

Bucky slipped his hand inside of Steve’s uniform pants, wrapping his hand around him loosely. Steve could tell, by the methodical way Bucky was jerking him off that he’d done this before, but he decided against asking. He wasn’t sure if he could bring himself to talk at all, actually. He could do nothing but grip at the sheets of his cot, his eyes shut tight as he tried to resist slipping deeper inside his fantasy of a pretty dame with her fingers wrapped around him. 

In the back of his mind he knew that this would only make things worse with him and Bucky, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. Not tonight, with what the danger of what they were about to do looming over both of their heads. Steve doubted Bucky would remember much of it in the morning, anyways. He’d seen the way Bucky was drinking with the Howlies earlier. 

Steve moaned quietly, gripping the bed frame. The heat building in his stomach was overflowing, he didn’t even manage to choke out a warning before he was coming into Bucky’s hand. Bucky pulled away, getting off the bed and wiping his hand off on his sheets.

“And, uh...once you’re done with that, that’s when you ask her to go all the way. Usually she says no, but Peggy’’s gonna say yes. Something tells me she’s not the kind of dame to keep an aspirin in between her knees.” Bucky said awkwardly

Steve opened his eyes, staring at Bucky like he’d grown a second head. “What?” he asked. Steve had almost forgotten the pretense of Bucky teaching him how to be with a woman. He’d almost forgotten everything going on around him, a blessing in a tent in the middle of the Alps. 

“Peggy. When you...try that on her, she’s gonna let you go all the way. She likes you a lot. Doesn’t give a shit about what people think, neither.” Bucky reasoned. “You were thinking about her, weren’t you? I could tell.”

Steve felt a stab of guilt. 

“...Yeah. Yeah, I was thinking about Peggy.” he admitted. 

Bucky nodded. 

“Part of me was hoping I could...I dunno, convince you. It’s dumb, but..” he sighed, gnawing on his lip the way he only used to when he was particularly stressed out. Now his lips were chewed raw. 

“Bucky. That was...nice. It was. But I don’t feel that way about you. I’m sorry. We...we shouldn’t have done it.” Steve stuttered out. Bucky smirked, resting his hand on Steve’s shoulder. Steve could tell he was masking a lot of pain. 

“Yeah, but I had do. I wasn’t gonna let you die without anyone ever touching your dick.” Bucky dismissed. “Much less without anyone ever kissing you. You...you deserve better than that.” he said, frustration apparent in his voice. Steve couldn’t help but smile. All those years he’d spend worrying that Bucky only stuck around out of pity, it was clear now that Bucky cared about him an enormous amount. 

Bucky glanced at the busted watch on his wrist, then back up at Steve. 

“You should go to bed. We’re Nazi train hopping in three hours.” he said. Steve hadn’t even realized how tired he was before then, the bizarre situation at hand had been taking up all his concentration. 

Steve nodded, taking off his coat and his shoes and lying down in his cot. 

“You should sleep too, Bucky. You need the rest.” he said. Bucky shook his head. 

“Nah. I should go find the others. They’re probably passed out in some bar, waiting for us to wake ‘em up.” 

“Right.” Steve said quietly. “Hey Bucky?”

“Yeah, Stevie?”

“Please don’t die tomorrow.” 

Bucky smiled sadly, like he knew something Steve didn’t, before turning around and walking out of the tent.


End file.
